I realized today that I am immature.

Ok, not completely. In fact, I've often been told that I'm wise and very mature for my ripe age of twenty. I've also been compared to a good worn in pair of shoes. It was a compliment...I think. The person then went on to say that I was comfortable to be around. Anyways.

Tonight. In my Anatomy and Physiology Lab. I realized that I am "immature."

We just started studying bones after a grueling month of looking at slide after slide of tissue samples and different types of boring cells and ...ZzzzZzz...

BUT, I like bones. And bones actually mean something to me and to my future career (Occupational Therapy. Don't ask what it is. Just Google it.) So I therefore have more motivation to learn it.

This week we're studying the Axial bones (Head, back, and ribcage). So I started off by looking at all the different bones of the spine. The spine is broken into 5 parts: Cervical (neck), Thoracic (typical "back" area), Lumbar (lower back), sacrum, and coccyx. Well...I learn by relating to sound or to a picture of something I know. The bones that make up the Thoracic part of the back look like giraffes. Giraffe sounds kind of like thoracic... well, in my head it does. Immature Point 1.

After going through all of the bones of the back I grabbed a skull. I looked at it, inside and out, took it apart, yadda yadda yadda. I then put it back together. The lower jaw (mandible) was connected with a spring. ...Big mistake to whoever made this model. I then sat and played with him. I had a little conversation with the skull (all in my head) and the best part was when he laughed. It was seriously so hilarious that I too laughed out loud. (I LOLed.) I felt pretty awkward. And I really wish there was someone as immature as me in my class, just so my skull could have another skull friend. Immature point 2.

If thats immature, then I'll take it. I'll still be the one passing Anatomy. Booyah.

This is me ranting about my idiot of a friend.

I have a friend. She used to be my best friend. And now, she's not.

That sounds like the stuff my 3 year olds tell me all the time.

But, I'm 20. and I'm saying it. Yeah, its childish. But, ya know what....I can only take but so much crap.

This blog will most likely have some form of cursing in it. For that I apologize.

Continuing on..

Ashley. You and Justin need to just go away and be idiots on your own Idiot Island. I'm so tired of hearing the "I love you so much" one week, then a week later you call me and tell me I was right about everything and that he's an asshole, etc. The next week its a "I love you so much" all over again...Really? ...I mean seriously folks....

Okay, I'm sorry, let me start from the beginning. Just so everyone else can catch up.

Ashley and I have been friends since, literally, forever. Our grandmothers are friends; our mothers are friends; we are friends, and our children just might be friends...I'm not sure of that anymore. Anyways...we started getting close after she had her first child when she was 16. She then got pregnant again, started going to my school, and we just got closer and closer. Until about a year ago. She met Justin. I got this weird vibe about him. I have tried to like him. I honestly have, I know she cares about him, or tries to care about him, and I respect that, so I try. However, there's just something about him that I really don't like. I don't know what it is...

Nonetheless, we started to grow apart. This is also after her and Jake broke up. Jake was probably one of the most incredible people I'd ever met. He was very sweet, funny, and compassionate. Not to mention a Orioles fan. Jake was great, and great to Ashley, and I have yet to hear why they broke up. Both tell me the same thing, "I don't know, she/he just went all crazy on me"...whatever. Ashley thinks that I don't like Justin because I loved Jake so much and wanted her to be with him. Not the case. Yes, I loved Jake, I still do. He's a great guy, and a great friend. I still talk to him, and attempt to hang out. However, I love Ashley more. I want her to be happy. And if she thinks she's going to be happy with this asshole Justin, then I'll try my best to like him, and if not I'll try to tolerate him. Which I can. I cannot, however tolerate the way he treats her. She has 2 children, not his. He tells her how to raise her kids. NOT YOUR PLACE HOMEBOY. He's just an all around asshole to her. He shows no respect towards her. And, I think she deserves better.

But, honestly, Ashley, at this point, if you're still going to be all stupid about it and pretend like nothing's wrong...then maybe you deserve to get hurt all over again. How many times does it take Ashley? seriously...How many? because you're on time 382. If you want to keep getting hurt, stay with him. But don't come near me. I don't want to hear it anymore. I'm tired of saving you.

*any advice on this situation would be graciously appreciated*

I'm so tired of stupid people in general. I mean, I'm stupid too. Like, for instance, I rearranged my room at the beginning of January so that I'd be able to use the floorboard heaters. Well, I thought it was going to start warming up, and plus I'd gotten a hope chest (I've wanted one for a while now :]) and I had to make it fit in my room, so I re-rearranged and now I can't use my heater....now that its snowed. And now that its 20 degrees outside. and 25 degrees in my room.

I guess we're all a little stupid. But...I've learned from my mistake. I've also adapted...i'm wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt, along with slipper socks...I'm pretty cozy under my microplush blanket.

I guess being really stupid is just doing the same thing over and over again, getting the same results, and not changing anything.

One of those religious blogs.

I watched a movie the other night called "Religulous." Its a documentary basically bashing religion. Bill Maher. Great movie. He was mean. but very truthful. The questions he asked were so true and relevant. Definitely things I have thought before too.

Now, I don't consider myself religious. I do consider myself Christian though. Confused yet? ...me too. There are so many questions that I have. There's so many contradictions I've found within Christianity and within other religions...I don't know what to think.

After thinking about everything I tried to figure out what I do believe in. What makes sense to me? How do I want my life to be seen to others? How do I want to live my life?

I believe Jesus was real. I believe he was an amazing man who did wonderful things for people. I believe he was kind and generous and caring. I believe he did not pass judgement on anyone he encountered. I believe in God. I believe in love, I believe that when you truly love someone or something, thats when there is true peace with it. I believe in people. I believe people will always let you down, hurt you, cause you pain. I believe the world is just about as imperfect as it could be. I believe in Murphy's Law. I believe in acceptance. I believe in most science. I believe in medicine. I believe in laughter and humor. I believe in hard work. I believe in the fact that money does buy happiness (think of something that makes you unhappy... like...bills. ...how do you pay bills? ..money. =happiness, right? ...okay another example. When you feel depressed...you eat ice cream. You have to buy ice cream.) ..yeah, this one is a stretch because the giggle of a child while you're tickling them is priceless and makes me terribly happy. But, overall money can buy happiness. I believe in family. I believe in coincidence. I believe in karma. I believe in angels (or something like it). I believe that true friends are hard to find.

I don't want people to look at me and how I live and say "Wow, that girl is boring, and strict. She must be a Christian." I want them to say "Man, she is such a sweet girl. She is just so caring and funny." ...that sounds better. What happens if I live my entire life by the book and I die and get to heaven and God says "Sorry, Leigh Ann, you're a great girl, but...you (insert sin here), ...DENIED" ...I just spend 60+ years doing what I thought was right...and got it all wrong. I don't want to live my life expecting an afterlife. I want to live my life happily. I want to do what makes me happy. The only thing I have is right now. I'm not guaranteed tomorrow. Or two years from now. I don't want to do the whole "live like you're dying thing" (Sorry Kris Allen, great song...but, sorry.). I just want to live each day doing things I like or being with people I love. I want to be a good person. I want to be like Jesus, helping people, caring for people, counseling..etc.

The thing is...there are so many things that I could possibly believe, throughout all of the religions, and I'm so confused, I don't know what to believe from them. Now this is where Christians would say "Well, lets pray for you and ask God to show you the truth" ...I don't want to do that. Because what if he shows me something completely different. Something that Christians don't believe. ...Then you'd want to "pray about it" all over again. Its a vicious cycle. If I'm not saying or doing something that you don't like...it gets turned into this big fiasco that doesn't need to be.

Prayer. I pray a lot. I talk to God a lot. He's probably the best listener of all time. He cracks me up, too. God has a sense of humor. Don't doubt that for a minute.

I am in the praise band at my church. I love it. I love the people I play with. I love about 90% of the songs we do. I love music. I'm doing it because I think God gave me a gift. I love singing and playing piano. Church is the only time I get to do it. I'm pretty sure that that keyboard and microphone are the only things holding me to a service on Sunday nights. I have so much better things I could be doing on a Sunday night. But, I love music. I don't do it to reach people "for the kingdom of Heaven" ...I do it because I love music.

I teach at a Christian school. If we talk about Christianity at all, I make sure that I speak in terms that a child could understand. I make sure that I don't step on any toes. I make sure that I don't say anything that would be turned into something else by a parent. We have a children's Bible. I read from it. The stories are great and have great lessons. We say a blessing before snack and lunch. The kids ask questions. I answer them according to what I learned as a child with the Bible. I do not put my so-called "screwed up" views of Christianity in their head. That is for them to figure out when they reach that age of maturity to decide their own beliefs. Not me. Not my place. I usually ask the kids questions about God and Jesus and Heaven. Their answers are so cute and sweet.

One time I asked "What do you think Heaven looks like?" ...one little boy answered "I bet they have a lot of balloons." ..I didn't get it at first and he continued with "..from when we let them go in the sky." Best answer I've ever gotten.

I want the kids to learn the difference between right an wrong. I want them to know that you can't just do something wrong and get away with it. You have to face the consequences of your actions, whether they be good or bad. "For the wages of sin is death" ... okay, I don't say that to the kids. I promise. But I do make them move their clothespins to the yellow or red circle and pop a squat in timeout. haha.

I don't regret any thing that I've said. I am, however, sorry if this offends anyone. Or if this makes anyone think differently of me. I'm still me. Its just time that how I feel gets out there. Its not fair for me to walk around and people expect certain things of me. I still want to go to church. I still want to be in the band. I still want to work at my job. Why shouldn't I? What if there's other people who think the same way I do...

I believe in God. I believe Jesus was real. I believe he died for a great purpose. I just have a lot of questions that can't be answered.

Stepping out.

I saw the world today.

Or at least it felt like I was seeing it all again for the first time. Haha. I finally left the house. But, first, I barely made it out of the driveway. My truck was barricaded in the yard by mountains of snow and ice. I made it out, and to Wal-mart, Chick-fil-A and work I went.

AND I GOT TO SEE MY BOYFRIEND.

....

Please, let me just take a moment to talk about how wonderful he is. And to explain the story of how everything came about. (Names have been slightly changed...just because I'm funny like that)

I guess I have to go all the way back to the beginning. ...February 2008...I meet a guy named "Randy" online. He's 20, lives here for school (in Va Beach), and we really hit it off. He's a nice guy, funny, southern accent (I just like accents...its different.), plays guitar...etc. We talk for a few days...then he just disappears. I should have seen this as a precursor. But, of course, I didn't. A few weeks later, we started talking again...and then it all happened again. (At this point I had still never met the guy...we just chatted online and on the phone.) So, I kind of, reluctantly, gave up. Met another guy named Alex, ...I mean... Barnaby? ... anyways. Dated him for about 3 months...that fell apart because he was an idiot. And once again started talking to Andy, I mean Randy. Now...during this period I became a kind of "floozy" ...talking to multiple guys at one time...not dating all of them or doing "other" things... nonetheless, a floozy. I found out that RAndy had moved to Fredericksburg for his job. Yadda Yadda Yadda. Decided, on a whim, to drive up there one day...finally met the kid, started "dating"....if thats what you want to call it. And I guess a "girlfriend" isn't someone he talks to on the phone or even attempts to communicate with by any means....I put up with it, for a few weeks. Then...(here's where the fun part starts) I meet Josh. Now, I don't believe in love at first sight. But I loved him as soon as I met him. He was everything I wanted. He was charming, smart, funny, dorky...just...Someone I knew I would like being around. I told him about my situation. He was very accepting of everything and just basically told me that I deserved better. Deep down I knew he was right, and I knew that I wanted to be with him. But Josh lived with his mom, he worked at a pizza place...what kind of promise is that? RAndy on the other hand had his own house, and a job doing airconditioning stuff...or something like that. That was a future for me. But the more I thought about it...the better Josh became. It basically came down to a be happy or be not happy. I wanted to be happy. I saw more emotional security and happiness with Josh. I saw a better future with him. Thats what I really wanted, he's who I really wanted. Nothing else mattered. I just wanted Josh. So, March 6 2009, I decided that it was over with RAndy. He had told me the last time we talked (which was 2 weeks before this date) that I could come up the weekend of the 6th. So I did, to break it off with him and get my stuff. I drive all the way up there, and homie isn't even at his house. I wait until 10:00 and he never showed up. So I had to write him a note and put it on his door. ...you heard me right...a note on his door. Needless to say that was it. I consider March 6th me and Josh's anniversary. I know...pathetic...whatever. All of that ^ ..was the best decision I've ever made in my life. Josh is the most amazing man I've ever met. He's all I want and all I need. Thats all that matters. Now, its been a year since I met him, and I wouldn't change anything. He's my best friend. He's just...a great person. I'm a lucky girl to have him in my life.

I digress.

We went and saw "Couple's Retreat" at Cinema Cafe ($1.00 movies on Tuesdays...yeah, I'm always down for that.). It was a very good movie. I've been seeing some good ones lately. Of course, "Patch Adams", always a good movie. "Passengers" with Anne Hathaway, excellent movie-kind of a chick-flick thriller with a twist.

It also helps that this amazing boyfriend of mine, Josh, has online Netflix. And that I have the password. :-) I love that boy.

One of those picture blogs...

So, I was going through really old pictures on my photobucket.com page...and heres what I found.

This one is just one I made stating my opinion about the ocean. I'll get in it now, but not willingly. Some things never change. This was circa 2006. haha. Good stuff.

This one always cracks me up. It was taken on our Varsity Singers trip to New York in 2007 (Senior year!). We were at the ToysRus in the city and Shrek wanted a piece of me, and I figured hey, he seems nice enough, why not? haha.

This is Cyst-leste. My Cyst I had removed in August 2007. My right ovary is in there somewhere too, but its not there anymore. That cyst was 20cm wide, the man who is holding it is a huge African man, so his hands do it no justice. towards the top of the picture you will see a womans hands, thats better for comparison. I went in for stomach pain, and 4 grueling days later, came out with one ovary missing, and a horrible 18th birthday spent in bed. Sorry if that one grossed you out...

This is my faithful truck Stewie. When I got him (Aug. 2008) he was already named Stewie...and it works great. I love my truck!

This is a picture of a bunch of things that I liked at the time. I still love piano, abba, money (who doesn't..in all honesty, you can be a prude about it and tell yourself over and over and you don't like money and that its evil, but lets see you get a meal without it, or lets see you pay bills without it. If you figure that one out, please let me know, and I too will join the "I hate money" brigade), softball, Cracker Barrell (although Panera is creeping up to be number 1 restaurant for me), Maroon 5, Bob Marley, The Orioles (faithful), Guitar Hero (new video game obsession is "Just Dance" for the Wii...LOVE it!), my iPod (however, I did lose that one last year and upgraded to a 3rd Gen. Nano...more on that story on another post...I'll remind you), My Fake Coach Bag (Still love it, but I got a fake Chanel and Love that one too!), and of course Hello Kitty (I grew up a little and got rid of the Hello Kitty bedroom stuff, kept the TV for a while but I got a new one last July, I think...). So...I think I still like everything... haha.

This isn't old. This is new. This is Josh. This is my boyfriend. This is my best friend. This is my favorite person to be with. This is my hero. This is the man who saved me from my own stupidity. This is my forever. (insert gushy "awwww" and cue barfing)

I Guess I'm Not a "Snowfan" Afterall

So...Today is day 3 of being snowed in. Is that enough said all ready?

Well, just to state the obvious...I'm really tired of being in the house. The streets are a complete mess. My poor boyfriend, Josh, still had to work yesterday AND has to go to school today. Luckily both of those activites for me were cancelled. Which is kind of a bummer, seeing as how I'm actually starting to like Anatomy and Physiology...I guess it took me two semesters to grasp it.Anyways, back to the state of being stuck. Its pretty basic, I'm sick of being in this house. I'm sick of hearing my brother make his little "hee hee" noise. I'm sick of him eating all of the food. (Thurs. my mom went to the grocery store and loaded us up with tons of snacks and good food for the weekend, since she evidentally knew that it would snow 7 inches and we'd be stuck inside. Well, Andrew, didn't have school on Friday because of a teacher workday, or something like it, and stayed home and ate 80% of all of the good snacks. ..yeah, he's great.)

I'm glad that we got the opportunity to see a good snow, since this never ever ever happens. And, I'm also glad that kids 10 and under got to see it too; they'd never seen anything more than a flurry. Its definately beautiful, it kind of makes the earth look pure. And I must say that I've never spent this much time with my family aside from vacation time. ...but this has gone far enough, Mother Nature. No one can get to work, or school, or their families, or to the mall, or to Wal-mart, or to Target, or to Michaels (I'M GOING CRAZY!!). I got my fill of snow action on Saturday, while it was still coming down. I was probably outside for maybe 2 hours total. 2 HOURS TOTAL IN THE PAST 3 DAYS!!! This is insane. I can only go on Facebook so many times to where it just gets boring. There's only but so many times that I can check all of my creditcard bills, and cell phone bill. Ebay, although full of amazing things, is just getting...annoying to me at this point. I miss my boyfriend. I miss people other than family. I want to go out and have fun. I want to go on a date with Josh. I want to go shopping!!!! I have an extra $50.00 just sitting in my bank account right now, doing nothing, screaming "SPEND ME!" and I'm the only one who can make that dream come true for that poor sad little $50.00. Online shopping just isn't the same.

I'm just going crazy, obviously...I've never personified money before.